It’s here. And if you don’t know what “it” is then get the fuck out because you don’t belong here. For you sluts that don’t have common sense, here’s a refresher of the rules.
– Snack size of Blazin wings. Traditional of course. Judging of wing consumption will be done by SBC, with FNG TBB being the sweat bitch ready and willing to wipe sweat from Chris’s forehead.
– no relief for 5 minutes
– first wave of relief is a tall beer of the winner’s choice, brought before the wings arrive and can’t be touched until the 5 minute wait as ended. Tampering with the beer by the winner is allowed and encouraged, with the only exception being no adding of ingredients.
– second wave of relief cannot be touched until tall beer of winner’s choice is complete.
Am I missing anything?
This week is all but a guaranteed win. I mean really, look who I’m playing! Rivers is going to be passing to a receiving group made up of cheerleaders at this rate. Marshall’s vagina hasn’t fully healed. May not have Luck, but still have to depend on him to throw to Hilton. Zeke has Zeka Virus. DeAngelo knows Bell is coming back and already planning vacations instead of watching tape. Allen – see Hilton. CJ Anderson is a spiteful player who only produces while on the bench. Tucker wearing a purple jersey isn’t the only reason people compare him to Blair Walsh. New England?! They will certainly enjoy Hopkins dancing in the end zone to the tune of 140 yards and 3 TDs.
Now that the big business is taken care of, fuck all of you. Fuck Cousins for late picks. Fuck the NFL for calling them picks and not reviewing “ALL TURNOVERS”. Fuck Carson Wentz for being on my bench Week 1. But also fuck me for not fully understanding he’s playing the Browns. Fuck the Browns. Fuck pool filters. Fuck TBB FNG.
As if it needed to be said….I formally accept the invitation to BWW IV. All the rules look to be in order…only additions are obvious and implied but loser is responsible for engraving costs on the BWW trophy but other than that everything seems to be in order.
Nothing will save you this week, and as powerful as birthday week magic is…your fucked. Cute attempt to try and pick my team apart…makes a lot of sense coming from a guy who has to choose between kirk cousins who needs to be reminded what color jerseys his team is wearing and carson wentz who has played well…against the dog shit bears and a Cleveland Browns team that looks more like a pop warner team for fat kids. We’ll see how he does when James Harrison introduces himself. Bold IR strategy by the way…Abdullah should be ready just in time for your Toilet Bowl Push…and fat boy cheese burger Eddy should have kept the weight on…now instead of slow and fat he’s just slow and runs like FNG. Speaking of…there is apparently something wrong with the fantasy football universe…clearly something is wrong when Stoddart, FNG, and Austin (who apparently has finally figured out what the flex position is) are 2-0…FNG Clearly is trying everything in his power to not end up in a 2nd consecutive toilet bowl…he must be outsourcing his team Andre style because this is very un-bitch like…going to have to keep an eye on that….engh i wanted that high score…fuck you and Ryan Matthews.
There is a good chance that i will be in bismarck next week. I plan on completing the week 1 sidebet…throwing up on stoddart…and watching schwab attempt to put the flames out with his tears…Game on to the most exciting week in fantasy football…BWW IV is here!!
-vc
PS…almost forgot….Fuck you TBB FNG