My name is Chris and I…..am 0-4.
If you though for one second I was going to say I have a gambling problem your fucked. Its not a problem if your good at it.
My draft, although somewhat questionable at the time, was still for the most part solid and does not justify the record it has. I have angered the Yahoo Fantasy Gods and, most important of all, Rhoda herself.
Anyway…In a moment of clarity between cusswords and flying objects I feel I have identified a few key factors contributing to my 0-4 start.
1. First and probably most obvious….As you may recall, on draft night I was misled (my own fault) and joined an ESPN PPR League with an auction draft. This goes against everything we believe in related to fantasy football and might as well be fantasy soccer. When combined with a second slap dick ESPN league (I recently tried picking up Dan Gronkowski and trading him for running backs, like I said slap dick) put the count at 2 ESPN Leagues , 1 Yahoo League. This has clearly shifted he balance in the fantasy football universe and I am paying for it. Rhoda I apologize.
2. Lack of Quality Stinker Tinker Time – As you all know I am currently homeless living with my parents. This has a serious impact on my ability to stinker tinker in the sanctity of my own master bathroom (well established as the best place to tinker). don’t get me wrong, I still spend 75% of the morning in the shitter but it just isn’t the same. To my team I appologize
3. Last and probably most important…lack of side bets and quality shit talk. I pride myself on ruling the message boards with well written, vulgar smack talk incorporating tastefully edited pics and relevant videos. I have a reputation for making my presence felt on the messageboard and league chat room holding shitty posts and highlighting piss poor efforts. In this I have failed so far this season.
But that’s about to change motherfuckers…
The messageboard will once again become my stomping ground and I reign supreme!
This week will mark the beginning BWW III and of what will be one of the greatest comeback stories of all time. I am going to be reviewing worth candidates for who I would like to portray me in the movie that will inevitably be made commemorating my return to greatness.
Game the fuck on Schwab
And Stoddart…be careful what you say about The Most Electrifying Man In Sports Entertainment….He’ll take your ass for a walk down Know Your Role Boulevard which is on the corner of Jabroni Drive and check you directly into the Smackdown Hotel!…So you can take that sorry excuse for a rundown, shine it up real nice, turn it side ways, and stick it straight up your candy ass.
That last paragraph gets a 10/10.